Sharing some light to my journey with the trauma and abuse I’ve endured. Bare with me on my grammatical errors I’m not the best when it comes to all of that.
I am adopted no surprised I Don't know much about my birth family. As far as not knowing where to start to search for the answers. I will be blogging about the different homes I have been in. Basically what life was like for me. I will just tell my experiences. I am Writing this to be a voice, to be an example to other people who have experienced similar things that it’s possible to make it regardless of what cards life has dealt us even through all the ugly and hurt that we can be overcomers of such evil and hate and not be the other statistic they like to talk about coming from a “broken” home or background. That it’s possible to choose a life of good, determination for better, and strength to become something more then what statistically people write about abused kids and their outcomes. I’ve been in broken homes. In homes
where love is not taught. As I tell my story imagine yourself in it and experiencing the things I’m about to tell you.
I was born in Brownsville Texas Along with two other sisters. My oldest sister Nicole Anderson and Crystal Kurtanic the youngest. My sisters mean everything to me never could I imagine life without them. There were good and bad times. We have a bond that can not easily be broken. My Faith and my believe is with God I believe it’s what has kept me alive through such a dark time. Although there were times I did doubt him, but never stopped believing in him. I knew he had something more to life than what I wanted to believe. I remember praying everyday and asking God to just help me. Help me to stay strong no matter what. I remember asking him at times to just take me home already. I was ready at the age of eight years old. In my little head I just wanted to go home. I was tired of the life I was living and the pain and dysfunction I was experiencing.
We were placed into the foster care system as infants As far as I was told in the system till ages Four, Five, and Six. At those ages there was a family interested in us. I remember one of the visits asking questions but, I already didn't like the lady. As in the "adopted mother" there was something about her. Before getting into that. I’m sharing my thoughts on what adoption has been like and my thoughts on the subject. Being so young I didn't really understand the concept of adoption just that the lady that raised us being in foster care I learned to love. She was someone I knew and was familiar with. To find out that I would be taken from the place I learned to call "home" was so beyond scary for me, but that would be for a later on post. Being so little and have disruption hit like a tornadoe I didn’t process things well or understood a lot. The First adoption was a horrible experience. My view is that adoption is supposed to make a difference in a child's life such as giving that child hope teaching them about love and providing a family. For the parents to learn to parent the child. To provide a place for them to be able to call home. For the home to be safe and permanent. To be that parent that their own parents couldn't be for that child. That just because they weren't their own blood they weren't lovable, and needed to be treated any different than from their own blood.
I couldn't wrap my head around it all. Till this day I have questions to why everything did happen in the way that it did. I thought that when someone adopts a child or several children that it would be because the parents love them because they want to be able to call that child there's and to give them love that they were once denied. To show them what having a family is like. I learned quickly that for some cases that is not always it. I know some parents till this day that they can't have children and would do anything to have a child and possibly adopt. My advice to those who adopt don't do it for selfish reasons if adoption is a route interested in do research, start out with foster care, then work towards adopting. I feel like nowadays adoption is a joke no one really has a good reason behind it only to benefit themselves. I did however see other big adopted families and I would day dream of wishing I had a family like that one day. Little did I know that dream wasn’t no longer a dream. My first adoption was a family of eight at least it started at that number with time it increased to fourteen kids in that household. Since I am going to be sharing my story I want to say that Life has been like a roller coaster for me. That my past has taught me to be strong and to stand up for myself. My story to some has been mind blowing to some and most of the people that have heard my story have told me that I should write a book. I don't even know where to begin or find the resources to do something like that so for the time being I will be blogging about my journey. I am a survivor and want to be a voice for others in similar situations. I am a strong individual as well as my dear precious sisters who have been in the same shoes. I hope to be able to make a difference in someones life one day and be able to be an example to those who are afraid to speak based on abuse or traumatic situations in their life. I want to be able to reach someone. Children and any victims from abusers like mine need advocates to fight for them and be their voice. I know what it’s like to try to get help and be overlooked and to not be able to talk about it because people don’t believe you. They don’t want to deal with it either so they make you to be a problematic child. I want to be able to help someone before it’s too late being that I’ve experienced these things and can relate to the abuse and trauma and the way it impacts us individuals.
So this will be my story and one day I will have a book. Maybe other people who don’t understand the severity of what it’s like to be abused will get a understanding and glimpse of what kids go through in the system where it has failed them. How unjust an broken the system really can be.
