What is life with no love, comfort, and freedom. I can tell you it's pretty lonely, unkind, and cruel place. Those days were like living outside on a wintery day. No warmth no life, bitter cold and gloomy. Experiencing the things my sisters and myself experienced no child should ever have to or go through. I remember thinking maybe something was wrong with me or maybe the adopted mother was mistreated and that's why she had done these things to us, but that wasn't the case. Her life was easy she had parents and family that loved her and spoiled her. As for the adopted dad being married to someone like that he didn't want to cross her or make her mad so he did follow along with some of the abuse. I had talked previously about the abuse how the adopted mother had gotten physical I had left off at the part where my sister kept getting whipped because she kept going to the hose to get water. Some of her other things that she would have us do was stand up against the wall wherever there was a corner and have our noses up against the wall for timeout. We would have to stand there for hours. The prints of our feet were visible on the carpent from our "timeout" spot. When we were in our rooms we had to do different exercises behind our desk from running in place to, jumping jacks, sit ups, push ups, marching in place, running in place, planks, standing up with our arms in the air. When we sat in our desks we would have to either put our hands up while we sat it got painful. I remember crossing my arms at times because they would hurt it was hours we sat like that. The other ways we would sit and have our hands directly on he desk flat. Then there was the other way we had to sit which was like the last position same arms planted flat and head down directly. During that sometimes we would have to recite scripture like that. It was hard to when our face were planted directly on the desk. As I grew up in that kind of abuse anger began to just grow inside me. The times we had reached out for help whenever we got the chance they turned the other way or when they would suspect something the adopted mother would shut it down. For instance she had put me in a hospital I believe I was 6 or 7 at the time I think it was for "behavior" I don't even remember I couldn't get away with anything. Money was involved as for her getting some when I went so I'm sure her excuse was good. Anyway I began talking to the doctor they saw in my behavior and some of the things I said there was abuse and suspected things. That's when they reached out to the adopted mother and she pulled me out immediately. When case workers would come to the house to check on things the adopted mother would tell us what to say. I always wondered how she knew what we even said I later found out she would keep a recorder under the couch. When I had seen it my heart began to race and I was thinking "this will never end" she was so evil with such intentions to have us locked up as if we were criminals. Her type of behavior never made sense. Everyday I lived in that room I just wanted to be dead I didn't want to live any longer. I didn't think I would ever have anyone to love me or be parents to me the way a child or children should be treated. I would always day dream of being in a different family and being able to do what I wanted and eat what I wanted. I didn't think about friends because I didn't have any. I just wanted to be loved by the people who were supposed to love me and take care of me and my sisters. My sisters and I weren't allowed to talk to each other or even look at each other but we didn't care anymore when it seemed we were getting smacked around or beaten for things we didn't do. We found a way to talk to each other with our mouths closed. I know it may not make sense but we understood each other and is possible. Now about the adopted father I haven't really talked about him he was more the comforter at times than anything. There was this one time when the adopted mother wasn't around she was out on "errands" before she took the food away from us. The adopted father said he was making us octopus for lunch and was teasing us about it. He liked to be goofy and made us laugh. My sisters and I were thinking I don't know if I'll like it doesn't sound good at all as for my sisters they were thinking it was gross to even think about. We were talking to each other trying to figure out if it was actual real octopus. When it came to lunch sure enough it was octopus made out of hotdogs and on dyed green ramen noodles for seaweed. Something I would never forget he usually would try to get a smile or laugh out of us. The times when we had to do yard work and weren't allowed to have drinks when the adopted mother left her was give us water or sometimes Kool-Aid. The adopted mother left the father at home all the time while she left and did whatever she was gone most of the time. Usually liked it when she wasn't home because she was so mean and the aggressor. I was recently asked if I think I could ever forgive her if she apologized knowing she was sincere. In that moment I didn't really think about it but I had said yes. Looking back I wished I had said no and didn't think about what the person might think. What was done to me and my sisters shouldn't have happened and she would never apologize for her wrong. She would try to justify it or go around and spin it. It's seriously pathetic to even think she would have any form of remorse or sympathy. I can't get over something like this till she was truly exposed. Till this day she hides behind a lie and everyone thinks so highly of her. It's honestly so so upsetting boils my blood. No one will ever see through the surface only what she shows. I'll never be able to wrap my head around her actions. My sisters and I lived like caged criminals for 7 years my younger sister didn't get out till she was of age. She didn't get to experience freedom or love till it was late. Breaks my heart for what seemed forever we didn't get to speak for 8 years even with that time I had tried to get help and see if she could get out but it was impossible. As little girls I made her a promise that I would always look after her and be sure to help out if anything ever happened. I felt like I failed her throughout the years not being able to send help or get her out. It was really hard for me to live like that. Just weighed on my shoulders. I know God does everything for a reason at times it was hard to understand the reason behind it all. I definitely still struggle with experiencing those things sometimes writing like today has brought some of that anger and resentment. I don't care what anyone says but being a "victim" of this you truly never forget or can hide it away like everyone wants you to. I struggle with depression, anxiety and ptsd. Every year at some point I'm reminded of this through the dreams that at times or like night terrors. It usually happened right about the time I left the house in Texas. I have dreams from other failed homes I've been in that I will get to with time. I'm definitely way better than I was 7 years ago but still struggle with things as a 23 because of the lack of knowledge and schooling not being taught properly. Those areas are what I struggle with because the mother wanted it to seem as if we were mentally challenged so she could get more money. I feel like if it weren't for that. I would be where I should be and at least smart but that's not the case. Certainly think a lot about how the outcome would have been if I hadn't gone to them but that was out of my control. A lot of what if's. Our childhood was robbed from us and instead of doing kid stuff we were busy fighting for our life’s trying to survive and make it and see a way out from this.
